Step by Step

Issue 71 August 2010

Just six months into their marriage, Thanna and Ahmed discuss how their differing personalities are the very foundation of their relationship.

Thanna

If I am going to split hairs, I originally met Ahmed when I was 12 years old, as my mother and his father worked at the same organisation, so we’d often spend our summer holidays as kids playing there together. However, our first proper introduction happened some five years later when we both had the same A-Level tuition classes; this is where we got to know each other properly for the first time. My first impressions of Ahmed were that he seemed quiet and reserved, though still sociable and kind. At the time, the idea of marriage hadn’t even crossed my mind, but within the few times that I’d seen Ahmed and had taken the opportunity to get to know him; it became quite evident that marriage was the next step.
The engagement that I planned on my own was nowhere near as stressful as the preparations for the wedding itself. Towards the end of it, I left the planning to Ahmed as I almost had a breakdown with all the things I felt were going wrong. Looking back, however, I realised that everything I thought was an issue or a problem, was just so unbelievably insignificant. I think most people forget that a wedding lasts a day, but marriage lasts a lifetime. I’ve learnt that it’s better to put your energy into making the latter experience a perfect one, rather than just that single day.
Marriage is completely different to what I imagined it to be; you don’t quite know what to expect until you’re experiencing it. Initially, I didn’t think it would be more than a change of living arrangement - but it was only a matter of time before I realised that married life would lead to important decision making; how I utilise my time, how I live my individual life and how that would play a part in my relationship with Ahmed. Of course, the amount of new responsibilities one has to take on is overwhelming, but with the grace of God, both of us are getting to grips with them.
Ahmed and I are somewhat similar in personality, but we do have our differences – and very obvious ones at that! Whilst I’m very hot tempered in disputes, Ahmed is a lot cooler, so he tends to maintain a sense of calm while I’m borderline crazy! Despite this clash, I believe it works in our favour in that we can find balance within our marriage. We’re very much alike in that we are loving, generous and helpful people.
What I admire most about Ahmed is his dedication to almost everything he does. He is a sweet, gentle person, but has a strong work ethic and aims to achieve whatever he puts his mind to, which I respect a lot. I admire his ability to keep a level head in the most stressful of situations. He’s very logical and won’t dwell too long over a problem. He just attempts to find solutions and neutralise situations as much as possible.

Ahmed

I first met Thanna about five years ago when we attended tuition classes together. The lessons were weekly, so I was able to see her a lot and understand how she fared amongst people around her, which was an interesting experience. My first impression of Thanna was that she was quite a bubbly and sociable character, and it was her personality that drew me towards her. I knew from the time that I began speaking to her that I wanted to marry her, and as a result, I treated our friendship with the utmost respect.
Our friendship developed well as we both naturally knew what the next step was, so I approached my father and told him of my interest to marry Thanna. Of course at first he was slightly taken aback, as I was young and still in college at the time. Though, as time passed, he warmed to the idea when he saw how serious I was.
Wedding preparations came about two years after our initial engagement; and to say they were stressful is an understatement! However, I came to understand just how difficult and hectic this process was for Thanna. After all, she was leaving home and beginning a new life somewhere else. But with the grace of God, the wedding went on without any major glitches (despite our constant worrying), and we’re both working towards making our married life a successful one.
Married life is not too different to what I expected. I was aware of the fact that we would need to deal with a whole new class of responsibilities; so this made the impact a lot less surprising and more manageable. Thanna and I were pretty well aware of one another’s personalities before we got married, so the task now is to try and balance them in order to complement each other – admittedly, a task still a work in progress. I am, however, continually surprised as we learn something new about one another every day. I am constantly in awe of the amount of things I’ve learnt about Thanna, despite initially thinking that I knew everything there was to know about her.
I admire her confidence and passion for almost everything. I can truly say that I don’t ever recall having doubts about Thanna, and there is never a dull day with her. We may have been married only a short while, and we may have had our ups and downs, but God willing, I trust that with patience, commitment and love, our future together will be a fulfilling one.

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