Yet, wedding extravagance is not the exclusive right of celebrities and former President’s daughters. All too often I see young Muslims couples feeling obliged to provide lavish ceremonies. Parents compete with parents. “So and so’s wedding was amazing – how can we top it?” I see £40-£50,000 being spent on weddings without anyone taking a pause to ask the questions, “Is this really necessary?” “Is this really right?”
Everyone wants a happy occasion, something which can be enjoyed by the whole community and remembered by the family and couple. And whilst miserliness is not an Islamic attribute, neither is extravagance. As with all things, a balance must be found, and people must only do that which is easily within their means. Remortgaging the parental home to pay for a one day event is a folly which must be spoken against.
The extravagance of Chelsea Clinton’s wedding reminds me of my own wedding – by virtue of the fact that they were so different. When my husband and I tied the knot, I was a student and he was a pupil barrister. Our whole wedding was done on a shoe string. My mother baked the cake, my uncle iced it. My mother embroidered my dress, my sister sewed it together. We got the flowers from Covent Garden Flower Market – staying up all night to plant the centre baskets. My mother still has a plant thriving from the day. We did buy in the Asian food, but my mother and I cooked the English food. It was stressful – made more difficult by the fact my father died the week before the wedding, I went into shock and was hospitalised with a temperature which brought on a kidney infection. Yet, it was a family affair and everyone chipped in to help.
I’m not saying it has to be done this way, but I’m wary of the social pressures to put on a ‘big show’. My wedding day was a very special day – and we did not need lots of money to make it happen. What we needed was love and commitment – which are the bedrock of a marriage anyway.
Assalamualaykum sister Sarah!
Sorry for your father, but Subhanallaah loved how you described your wedding. May Allaah reward you, Ameen.
I was at a wedding a few years back where the groom’s grandfather passed away the week before the wedding. More recently, at a local wedding, the grooms mother past away the night before the wedding, after helping her son by food for the special day.
Both occasions were meant to be extravagant, happy, long awaited occasions. But the shocking sadness of death amidst all that …life and joy, really bought a profound meaning to the whole thing. people watched themselves, controlled themselves, stopped themselves and were very cautious not to go overboard with anything.
people could say a death amidst so much joy can be a spirit ‘dampener’, but they do say that such a strong reminder before such a major commitment is a sign for those involved of how much God loves them, and wants them to remember life in its entirety rather than isolated one off events.
I’m sure your father would have been very proud of your beautiful wedding.
With my first wedding, we were both young and had no money. My father refused to pay for the wedding as was the tradition, because he had remarried and had a ‘new’ family. Our wedding was done entirely with $500US. I was extremely frugal and did almost everything myself. (This was a Christian Wedding)
Now I am faced with a Muslim wedding. My fiance’ keeps telling me we have to have enough money to feed the entire masjid. This seems costly and burdensome, how can anyone expect the engaged to afford such a feat?
Sorry to hear that your father died a week to your wedding.Maybe thats what contributed to the low key wedding.